Virginia Woolf so famously proclaimed that every woman needs “a room of one’s own.” I would like to take this to the next level, with inspiration from Janet Miss Jackson If You’re Nasty, and declare that every woman needs a dance warehouse of one’s own, complete with a kitchenette and nude sculptures.
This video was actually the very first one that popped into my head when I thought about creating a Substack devoted to dance. I wrote about it briefly on my blog years ago when I was in a real Janet phase and since then it’s popped into my head occasionally as a dance moment I wanted to unpack some more. So let’s unpack!
There are two things that make this video extra special to me:
It’s just Janet Jackson in all her glory, no backup dancers needed.
This very random, giant, warehouse/loft space that she’s dancing in.
So upon watching it again (and again and again), I have a new theory: this is the first and best MTV Cribs episode ever made.
Welcome to Janet’s crib!
The entryway
We get a little glimpse of this giant open space when Janet first arrives and turns on all the industrial lights. There’s a dining area, a fitness corner, a dance space, and an art gallery kind of everywhere. There are also birds fleeing—don’t mind them, they live somewhere near the ceiling and the space is so big that they hardly ever poop on you:
The kitchen
Janet came here to DANCE. She is wearing knee pads and she is going right for the fridge to get some cold water so she can be hydrated and ready. Usually Cribs gives us a full fridge tour, but all we get here is a glimpse of what seems to be milk and orange juice. Priorities!
Dance studio
Welcome to the dance studio corner. It’s important to stretch a little bit before dancing, especially when you’re wearing a lot of denim. She’s wearing jeans AND a jean jacket. Are they super broken in? Are they made with extra stretchy material? Are the jeans secretly leggings with the Guess logo sewn onto the butt? Help me, 1987 dance fashion experts!
So Janet stretches a little, but again, she came here to DANCE so she gets right to it. She immediately gives us these sharp arm and hand movements that are like a little “Rhythm Nation” prequel. This is foundational Janet!
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The jean jacket is weighing her down, but why just take it off when it can become a dance accessory?1
This studio is fully equipped for both dancing AND singing, because there’s a mic stand. But oops, not an actual microphone. Janet didn’t want you to notice that part:
There are some stray chairs in this space, which seems hazardous, but she kicks one out of the way and does this to it in the perfect window spotlight:
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And then tells the other chair who’s boss by triumphantly jumping on it and knocking it over:
How many kids tried this move in 1987 and broke their noses? Please tell me if you did. She makes it look so easy but I don’t trust my center of gravity enough to try it.
The garage
Most celebrities like to show off all the fancy cars they have, but in this case we’re going to have to guess what’s going on under those covers2 because Janet’s just here to dance between them:
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The… archway?
Say it with me: this is where the magic happens. That’s the classic phrase we say when we get to a celeb’s upstairs space that only contains some kind of minimalist stone archway, right? I thought so. Because this is the magic:
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This is also a good candidate for my latest “how I want to enter a room,” but it would require me to wear knee pads at all times, which is a lot to ask.
The bathroom
This is a very modern bathroom where the shower emits not water, but high frequency blue light:
And yes, the mirror is broken into many pieces, but it’s a statement on the fractured nature of the self. It’s also fun to see multiple Janets at once:
There’s no toilet here. Don’t worry about it.
The hallway
Look how spacious it is!
The music room
The music room is really just this one big speaker and there’s a stereo somewhere around here, but the important thing is that Janet can backflip off of the speaker and into the dance studio, which is even more impressive than jump-tipping a chair:
After a little more grooving in front of the mirrors she’s feeling satisfied and marches off back to the kitchen, perhaps to chug some milk out of the carton because that’s a thing people did in 1987.
Looks like we need to show ourselves out of this crib. Watch out for the bird poop!
I love this video so much, and I love how many other artists appreciate it too. Mya and Normani have done some excellent live tributes, and many videos have “Pleasure Principle” in their blood: Cassie’s “Me & U,” Tinashe’s “Save Room For Us,” maybe even the chair stuff in Britney Spears’ “Stronger.” I’m sure there are more tributes I’m forgetting or haven’t seen yet, so please share them in the comments!
Thank you for being a part of my digital crib and happy summer! See you in July with more sweet moves.
Love and jazz hands,
Molly
We also get to see her cryptic t-shirt, which for years I thought was some kind of very complex secret code, but turns out it’s just a fancy way of writing “1987 PF.” PF in this case maybe being a reference to a record label or a designer, but even Janet doesn’t remember. (Please watch the video in that second link if only to learn why Janet wore a key on her hoop earring!)
Although they honestly all look like 1950s Chevys? OK sure!